Quotes tend to say it are the little moments that matter. But for me, often these little moments aren’t that joyful. After these minutes, hours, I spent having fun and satisfaction, I am thinking about the things that I may have done wrong, or basically things that I could have done better. For me. Often, for the other people that were present in these moments, I did everything right. They say it was a pleasure meeting me. But I struggle with it. I ask myself „Could I have gotten more out of this situation?“, „Did I express this and that not how I wanted to?“, „Did I speak loud and clearly and did the people around understand me acoustically?“. These question get intense when I know, that this moment was the last time I am going to experience it or when I know that it’ll take a long time, a too long time, for me being able to „revise“ the „mistakes“ I did. Because I want to do everything perfect. I want to satisfy my friends. I want to get the most out of moments, that I spend with friends. And after these moments, I am thinking about them. I am thinking about them for days, weeks, often I call them back even months after. It kinda scares me. I always find something that I could have done better. Something that let’s me think „Hey, you could have expected that! Why didn’t you think of it!?“. I don’t know why I have this habit to „analyze“ joyful moments for ages after they happened. Maybe it’s because I haven’t got that many „joyful“ moments. Well, yeah, actually it are the moments that matter. I take back my first two sentences in this post. I don’t know why I’ve written them. But I also don’t want to remove them, why ever.